She looks back and has vivid memories of her past, those nights when she was 7. She was scared of dark, scared of monsters under her bed. Daddy told her there were no monsters, not as long as he was with her as he said. It was peaceful. She felt secure lying beside him, because a dad is a lady’s first hero, her first savior. She can still recall those days, the warmth of his brown eyes, oh how lovely it was. He was a man with thick a build, a mustache and a cigarette always fiddling between his fingers. Every night, she would sleep in his arms, knowing nothing could harm her. She would wake up next to him, the warmth of his body, the shutter of his eyes veiling his beautiful eyes, with a pungent aroma of beer in the room, and ashes and ashes of cigarettes that he smoked as she fell asleep in his arms.
Daddy would tell her her twelfth birthday will be a big day. She always looked up at it, she wanted to grow up, the suspense was unbearable. She would ask him every night before sleeping “Daddy! When will I be 12?” and he would tell her “someday! someday, my child! I wait desperately for that day”. With this would he kiss her cheek, and she would fall asleep hugging him. At nights she would wake up and daddy would hug her with his comforting warmth.
It was her twelfth birthday. Finally, she thinks, no more waiting. Her pale skin, and her frail structure. Her narrow shoulders, with a pony-tail dancing down between her shoulder blades, to her waist. She had been seeing changes in her body recently. Where her flat chests used to be, she could feel a weird swelling. Months ago, she woke up with drops of blood in her trousers, she thought she was dying but daddy was there to comfort her. But she forgot it all as the eleventh year faded away. Now she was excited about the daddy’s promise, and the suspense that had been residing like a splinter in her mind all these years. Daddy was gone to work. She cleaned the house, and dressed like a princess for her birthday.
It was eight PM when he knocked on the door, she almost fell running for the door and found another man, it wasn’t daddy and it was scary but then he heard his voice
“Don’t worry, love. It’s daddy’s friend. Your uncle Shahzaib”. Before this she had never heard of Uncle Shahzaib but it didn’t matter as long as daddy was there. Uncle had him sit on the chair, leaving a camera on recording mode at it’s tripod stand. She wondered what it was for, but then she realized it was her twelfth birthday and that is why daddy had brought his cameraman friend with him. They drank, and drank as she watched. There was no birthday cake, or balloons or candles, no birthday wishes or greetings were exchanged. After a few minutes, Uncle Shahzaib sat behind the tripod stand, and said to daddy “You ready, Umair?”
Daddy hugger her, they were sitting on the sofa and she was expecting daddy to greet her of the big-day. Daddy had her sitting on his lap and he kissed her cheek, she hugged him back but daddy pushed her back. Having his hands running on her body, it was shocking but it was daddy whom she trusted. Her cheeks were red by now. Words like sexuality were alien to her, but she felt a weird feeling jolting up her spine as daddy slided his hands in her trousers. Daddy, what are you doing? But daddy had drunk too much to answer. By now daddy had her shirt unbuttoned and he was unbuckling the belt.
“Papa! What are you doing?”
But he shrugged it off, and started tearing Sakina’s clothes. Grabbing her shirt from the neck and tearing it down. The swelling of her breasts that were not fully developed yet. She felt scared, and awkward with uncle Shahzaib watching her. She trusted daddy but for some reasons she didn’t want him this close. A voice in her head told her to run away but she hugged daddy tightly. She yearned for her savior. But the man she used to know was no longer there, or maybe he never was. Her near-flat chests pressed against his hairy chest. He wasn’t looking her in the eye. She was shocked as he rolled down her trousers, and it was in that moment she felt her head going numb. But the feeling was replaced with an excruciating pain as daddy pressed something between her thighs. Her lips, so red, begging for mercy but daddy didn’t stop. She buried her head in his shoulder, closing her eyes and begging him to stop as he pushed that thing inside her, piercing through her hymen and tearing through her virginity. Her flat chests covered with sweat. Daddy’s touch was no longer comforting. The hair on his chest would sting her. She couldn’t bear the pain, and fainted. That’s the last memory of her horrible past she remembers. The last of daddy’s memory, and she didn’t like it at all.
“Sakina! Your turn“, somebody screamed and she snapped out of it. Pulling the cigarette away from her lips she answered
“Send that pig in!”
Her breasts were no longer small, but her lips were no longer red either. Her eyes weren’t bright any longer but who cared? Not the pig that rushed inside. His ugly face disgusted her out, but she knew there was no way out of this anymore. After all, it wasn’t new. It was her life. That’s all she was beaten down to, a brothel woman. She didn’t even care to remember their face anymore. All those disgusting men making her warm their beds. Her lips which used to be red like wine were dead now, her breath smelt of tobacco.
“You, bitch! Ohhh! I’ll ram you. I’ve payed for you, you whore! Put a smile on that face for me!”, as he threw away his ‘Shalwar’ and jumped on Sakina. She sighed as she let the cigarette touch her lips one last time. He jumped on her top, pinning her to the bed, ‘Gutkha’ and other flith oozing from his mouth, but Sakina had have it enough. She had decided she didn’t want this anymore. This wasn’t living. She pulled her right arm out which was numb being under his sweaty filthy body and searched for the drawer near her bed. Suddenly cigerretes didn’t matter anymore, nothing else did. Smoking doesn’t kill you when you are already being murdered inside out repeatedly. She pulled the trigger BAM! Shot the pig in his neck. Filth oozing out the wound. Babar, rushed into the room “SAKINA! SAKINA! OH GOD “… SHIT SHIT SHIT! Her heart thumping and beating crazy. The adrenaline rush, she didn’t fear that pimp anymore. Arm up, nozzle in his direction and BAM!
“Two gone, one more to go!“- she muttered as she pressed the nozzle to her head.
There was no light at the end of tunnel, there was no justice. But it didn’t matter, for she wasn’t there to face the injustice anymore.